Aggressive Campaign

Revision as of 03:40, 8 December 2006

Izareth has launched an Agressive Campaign. It is a booming success

Take Horde Seriousely

Have you taken us seriously lately?

Some perks to Horde in your neighborhood:

• 1)Colorful Graffitti
• 2) No shortage of yelling assinine opinions
• 3) The distinct lack of resident elves
• 4) Our hunger for knowledge is unquenchable
• 5) What do unquenchable mean?
• 6) We allow present Aristocracy to stay in control (less time of ours wasted on "That my sheep" "no, that my sheep" "WAAH WAAH"
• 7) We step in for mercy shepherd killing
• 8) Green is a bootiful color, not so much purple though
• 9) We kill other armies, allowing a balance of Hordish power to rest finally to the land
• 10) We burn Trees, especially ancient ones that "has been there for generations, and my father used to blah, blah, blah..." FREE OF CHARGE
• 11) We might cook you a feast at Beltaine
• 12) We might let you eat the feast we cooked for you at Beltaine
• 13) We made Denara's Halloween costume
• 14) We decorated Angmarth's office space

• 15) We invented Foam Fighting(TM)
• 16) We don't sue you for using our invention
• 17) Dee teleporting Izzy
• 18) If you don't accept us into your heart, you are bound to burn forever (or at least as long as you live on fire)
• 19) We doount spels soe guut
• 20) I joined the Militia by signing my name on some guy's hide!
• 21) When we rule, we shall be lenient on you, you have our word
• 22) We can lie at the drop of a hat!
• 23) We never drop our hats
• 24) How many reasons do your group have anyway?
• 25) We took over Belegarth in a silent coup, and then gave it back, cause we so nice.
• 26) We all hot and sexay
• 27) Horde's got Doo-Dads...well not ALL Horde
• 28) Horde's got hot chicks, sans doo-dads!
• 29) Horde knows what 'Sans' means
• 30) you don't know what sans means, do you?
• 31) Horde respects our 'elders' like the EBF
• 32) Horde don't really respect anybody, it's all lip service yo!!!
• 33) YAAAAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!!
• 34) Yoo ken trust dee Horde
• 35) Whin dee most edukated an fair monster, Izareth, flips da switch goin' savage... EVERYONE BLEEDING!
• 36) Three dozen, and still going stronger than people who wear sunglasses on the field
• 37) I wrote The Dark Tower Series under a pseudonym, and I can't even tell you what it's about!
• 38) Grath Marenghi is my uncle, my ugly uncle.
• 39) We have awesome huge bases all over the world, just like Cobra! I'm not afraid of calling a tactical retreat like old Cobra Commander!
• 40) We allow all ages and genders and races to BE DESTROYED IN OUR WAKE!
• 41) You may go to better events throughout the year than the events we run, but it'll be because we made your event by not being busy.
• 42) The answer to the Universal question.
• 43) Jimmy Carter, yeah, he's one of us. Peanut Farmer/ unexpected superhero.
• 44) Speaking of Superheros we got Ju'Dekei!
• 45) We eat our veggies, and grow the ones you feed your babies. We never get thanks for it either!
• 46) I mean... have you seen Nanga?
• 47) Pick that up
• 48) Put that down
• 49) We'll mock you while singing to the tune of london bridge
• 50) We have Izareth.....being the great coman....er monster that he is.
• 51) It's true - Horde just has more fun.
• 52) Anyone who listens to them talk for long enough will adopt their speech patterns. Its like crack.
• 53) NOBODY is as cool as Izzy
• 54) We bring home the Bacon
• 55) We bring home the cheese
• 56) We don't let you have the bacon or cheese, cause we know it's bad for you
• 57) We eat it all ourselves, and still look supa sexay
• 58) DoNut? you out there? we waiting...
• 59) In the general scheme of things, who better? Really better? All the time?
• 60) We allow people to use our patented inventions free of charge all the time
• 61) We invented and patented fun
• 62) We patented and invented ass-kicking
• 63) Do you like cheese?
• 64) Tonight is the night...for lovers...goblyn lovers...
• 65) We ran in the last election and won exactly 28% of the overall votes, not bad for Horde party
• 66) We fight with foam swords, but do real damage, that's just how we roll
• 67) We cause inner strife, for ourselves first
• 68) You also not immune to strife
• 69) The strife is comin' and I'm not going to make any innuendo
• 70) Joo ever notice that saying you not make innuendo is making innuendo
• 71) Innuendo is a registered trademark of Horde Services Inc.
• 72) We'll take 'em, we'll break 'em and we'll laugh while we do it...'em
• 72) Slap you. (See 67)
• 73) Dey hav Plans C and D
• 74). Sometimes, when tings be bad, da Horde busts out the Gonads AND strife! (Copyrighted by da HOrde 2006)
• 75) Steve Colbert actually be a goblyn in pinkie clothes.
• 76)dOnUt be back, trying to avoid being hobogob ice pop.
• 77)Lacy elbows covers be sexy lingerie.
• 78) Izzy can easily be imagined as Willy Wonka circa Gene Wilder.
• 79) They also own chocolate.
• 80) Lowering taxes and supporting the American family is thier number one priority.
• 81) They love children.
• 82) Don't you feel safe?
• 79)Ayn Rand had a dream she didnt tell anybody about
• 80)We know the secrets of Matthew Lesko
• 81)Nitchie died of syphalis, we dont have syphalis
• 82)Horde is the crumbs of cheese in your peanutbutter.
• 83) We have in our sole possesion the skull of Charles Darwin which grants us imortality.
• 84) We also have a thigh bone of health +4
• 85) Horde don't play d&d
• 86) 'Cause this is the best of all possible worlds.
• 87) Didn't your mom tell you to eat all of your children?
• 88) Was syphalis mentioned?
• 89) They have hovering hats.
• 90) They don't like ayn rand either, it's okay.
• 91) They burned your copy of The Metamorphisis
• 92) We support a da famalees, beecawze they so filling at meal time...fun ya I ment fun at meel time...specially da babies
• 92) didnt that ayn rand have da sypahlis?
• 93) Only becuse Spike sent it to her with the time machine he keeps in his pocket.
• 94) Who knows?
• 95) Who cares?
• 96) Why?
• 97) Why not?
• 98) It doesn't matter.
• 99) Everything COULD matter.
• 101) We don't even NEED a 100
• 102) Did you see Juicer's avatar? We have Gorlock. Actually, we have Juicer too. Well really, everyone in Horde is supremely awesome.
• 103) Gorlock caused the Equinox typhoon.
• 104) Seriously though, we're sorry about that. Not too sorry, but kind of.
• 105) We* got Death Star
• 106) We* got Death Star
• 107) And you know that we* got it (Death Star)
• 108) Oh Shit! It's DR. JULES!
• 109) River Water, Bugbear Blood, Skaven Brew, Slaughter Splash, whatever Zzyzx is mixing up, etc...but then again, you probably don't remember how great they are, because they are just that great.
• 110) we kicked Zartan and the Dreadnaughts out of the Horde for being "light sensitive crybabies"
• 111) Inanna can speak the binary language of loadlifters, very similar to your moisture vaporators in most respects.
• 112) There is no 2 in binary code, just one and zero, on and off. Like what you were before you met the Horde, and what you were afterward.
• 113) We are affiliated with, and have members in all realms. At least all realms that matter.
• 114) Did you know that this board has about 100 invisible forums? And Horde is in control of all of them, except the sucky ones.
• 115) TRUTH!!!
• 116) Horde has dee best spies - Yoo shood no, yoo es probably one of dem.
• 117) We got Headhunters, but we don't always sick em on yous.
• 118) We love life, and bring joy to usselves, what more could you want from us, selfishies.
• 119) We own you house, cars and swimmin' pools, and we even let Juicer hang out and shout at you neighbors
• 120) Dead River Horde is full up with unconditional love, OF HATE!
• 121) We make good movies, starring fantastic new faces
• 122) We understand Shrat, and we don't shun him.
• 123) You should all be ashamed of youselves, but I won't tell on all of you.
• 124) We got to hurt [Dagganoth], and many others
• 125) We formed our own bobsled team in a classic fish-out-of-water tale in which we became winners without actually winning the race.
• 126) Horde can lead a horse to water, and when it doesn't drink, we punch it in the face and drown it.
• 127) "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Krieger calls the pile of dead elves in his front yard.
• 128) HORDE WIN!
• 129) We let Dagganoth get there first.
• 130) Ain't Donut Cute?
• 131) We control the weather
• 132) We won't do you "weather favors"
• 133) We had all three catalytic elements for the MASS device, but we wanted to watch GI Joe fight to get them anyway
• 134) We eat our vegetables, and they give us superpowers
• 135) When you eat our vegetables, they WON'T do the same for you.
• 135) We got Spike
• 136) "Just passing through"
• 137) We can and WILL institute our newest scheme. "Plan H"
• 138 ) You wish you knew what "Plan H" was
• 139) Your puppy or kitty didn't "run away". We ate him.
• 141) Kitty go CRUNCH..with catsup...
• 142) Dere be da Bunny of World Domination..he be your friend.
• 143) Until SQUISH...no more pinkie...
• 144) dOnUt be adorable hobogobo..so adorable you don't see da shiv til pinkie stew.
• 145) Everybody's likes donuts.
• 146) dere be donut filling...also so you don't see da shiv.
• 147) We have an aggresive campaign.
• 148) Just when you think it's over - Horde keeps it going.
• 149) Horde threads never die, just like their memebers.
• 151) We don't need a 150 either.
• 152) Headhunters. Need I say more?
• 153) Soilent Green is people!!
• 154) Horde, serving Soilent Green to people since Beltaine I
• 155) Horde Services Inc. created the internet.
• 156) Then for fun we gave the rights to Al Gor, and watched the hilarity ensue.
• 157) Koom Campfire stories.
• 158)
• 159) HORDE DON'T NEED A 1000!
• 160) [Kira] loves Horde
• 161) We don’t have ‘Jarl Sir Maddog’
• 162) We eat raw energon to recharge our batteries.
• 163) We disclaim that Kitten pauldrons and all, we don’t have Moxk, but we did teach him to be super cute, and kill kittens.
• 164) We knock your socks off, and then lovingly put them back on saying, ‘it’s cold out there silly”.
• 165) We come to battle practice.
• 166) We have a ship, and Izareth is it’s Captain.
• 167) No you can’t come on the Ship.
• 168) No, you can’t touch my hat.
• 169) Yes, we will smuggle your contraband.
• 170) We can’t spell 'Jarl Sir Madog'
• 171) We don’t post so-called “wedgie videos”
• 172) We don’t take guff.
• 173) Was that Guff, I just saw you tryin’ to hand us?
• 174) You can keep it, can’t you read? Go two up!
• 175) I’ve seen the Aerol Flynn Robin Hood
• 176) No! It wasn’t new at the time!
• 177) We got plans.
• 178) 2007, the Horde Year of Mayhem.
• 179) We ghost-write for Langston Hughes and Danielle Steele.
• 180) You know you read good poetry and bad romance novels.
• 181) We always sound like drunk Russians.
• 182) We are stupid.
• 183) You are stupider.
• 184) When people want to “enjoy the game” they join us.
• 185) When people want to “win the game” they don’t join us.
• 186) We still regularly “beat” people regardless of their affiliation.
• 187) We all cry in our sleep, but in a badass way.
• 188) We invented Metal, and gave it to Bodmin to be it’s chosen warrior.
• 189) We wrote, directed and starred in the movies The Last Dragon, Trick or Treat, and the animated Rock and Rule.
• 190) we don't suck at quoting people.
• 191) The horde can double post.
• 192) The Horde can triple post.
• 193) The Horde can triple post.
• 194) The Horde can triple post.
• 195) We have cool names for our realms like Burning Mountain, and Blood Valley.
• 196) We don't always make the biggest showing at events, but we do always make the best.
• 197) We are distilled from Springwater fresh from the grounds of Jack Daniels distillery.
• 198) We 'bring the noise', and if there are screaming babies, we 'bring the quiet'.
• 199) There was at least one Horde member in every episode of M*A*S*H
• 200) We killed Jimmy Hoffa.
• 201) Juicer knows all about this one.
• 202) We have people seeking 'franchise rights'.
• 203) We are the 'Home of the Whopper'.
• 204) Horde doesn't need 200, btu we did it anyway.
• 205) The BK King is actually Juicer out for a joy ride.
• 206) The HORDE doesn't need that lame McDonalds special sauce.
• 207) You want to try some Horde special sauce?
• 208) Screaming babies are actually small goblyns in disguise.
• 209) Do you wish to join the Horde movement?
• 210) We'll probably deny your application anyway.
• 211) Peeps. Lost of peeps.
• 212) Horde doesn't need forts!
• 213) At an event Horde fire often becomes main fire (for reasons why, see various responses above and possibly below)
• 214) Come to Beltaine!
• 215) We are too sexy for Right Said Fred.
• 216) Horde remembers everything and forgives nothing.
• 217) Horde Wins at being random.
• 218) Horde Wins vs. the tree.
• 219) Horde Wins vs. itself.
• 220) The orginal Pinja - yep, Horde's got him
• 221) Don't you wish your garb was this comforable?
• 222) Horde just broke the thread!
• 223) But Horde fixed it before anyone knew.
• 224) Horde invented the evil laugh.
• 225) We invented the evil laugh while watching someone bleeding.
• 226) We so better that most other people that we appear as both physical and intellectual giants amoung you.
• 227) Who your favorite person, cause we trained that one. That or we killed 'em.
• 228) We can kill by will alone, but we prefer to fight.
• 229) We pay Winfang's salary, unless he bad.
• 230) We found ourselves in love with the world, and there was only on thing we could do; TURN TO HATE!
• 231) We broke all the magic in Amtgard, so that we could invent ditching.
• 232) Don't make me kill you tough-guy!
• 233) Repots indicated that we're romantically linke with Dark Guard.
• 234) The paparazzi won't leave us alone.
• 235) We sneak into the Emo's bedrooms and tell them subconsciously to hurt themselves.
• 236) Senior Vorpal Kickass'o!!!!
• 237) Bhakdar stole Paris Hilton's T-Mobile Sidekick.
• 238) And her dog.
• 239) And her underwear.
• 240) And released the sex tape.
• 241) Those guys who blare their music in their turcks at events...yep. Killed 'em.
• 242) Lo'bo has the watch that Captain Koons wore up his ass for two years.
• 243) Some of our alumni include Marv from Sin City, Dennis Hopper, Godzilla, Jeremy Irons, Soth from the Goonies, and Alan Rickman.
• 244) We apprecaite the good humor of a palindrome.
• 245) Yo banana boy!
• 246) Speakign og Good Humor, we invented the Hulk Hogan Ice Cream Bar, brother!
• 247) We stick our KoKK's in your units and you like it.
• 248) We thought that was funny.
• 249) Seiously though: Beltaine.
• 250) We have members at spatula rank. You aren't even at mop rank yet, much less big mop rank.
• 251) We started the French Revolution and invented the internet in the same day. Then we took a late lunch with King Kong and killed him for eating off our plate.
• 252) We taught the philosopher Hobbs to hate everthing.
• 253) You taught him how to write a 700 page tome that sucks.
• 254) You are the prize in a box of CrackerJax, we are the prize in a KinderEgg.
• 255) Little known fact is taht Lo'bo invented Iambic Pentameter.
• 256) I'm supposed to be using my hour of net filling out my already late fasfa paperwork and jumping through other school realted hoops but I thought that it woudl be better spent informing you all the reasons why cherubs would follow us around if they existed.
• 257) Course we would have an eternal supply of flying jerky if this were the case.
• 258) Shartopia.
• 259) Horde has Dr. Tran.
• 260) Horde be American doctor.
• 261) with hot American dickings.
• 262) Our Huuuuge American penis.
• 263) The Shratonomicon.
• 264) Shratisfaction.
• 265) No, we don't have Dagganoth. YOU do.
• 266) ha.
• 266) We ALWAYS get jokes. Sometimes they just aren't funny.
• 267) OMG I love Kinder Eggs!
• 268) We had two 266s, but its ok.
• 269) Yeah, I just did this! And that's why Horde rocks!
• 270)pause and check the other thread (sweet ads) I posted in...Horde fucking
• 271) Horde can skip 268 and it be ok.
• 272) There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Izareth allows to live.
• 273) A bugbear once ate a whole cake before his friends coud tell him there was a stripper in it.
• 274) When the Horde calls 1-900 numbers, they don't get charged. They hold up the phone and money falls out.
• 275) Izareth can divide by zero.
• 276) Izareth played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
• 277) Izareth, and the Headhunter enclave walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
• 278) When Izareth sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes noly a picture of the Horde, armed and ready to cahrge. Izareth has not had to pay taxes, ever.
• 279) Izareth kicked Chuck Norris' ass.
• 280) We can't deny the truth.
• 281) We can't deny anything posted here so far.
• 282) One time, the Horde decided something and it instantaneously was the truth.
• 283) Others lie.
• 284) Horde is most clever.
• 285) Horde can count better than anyone else - we just realized the importance of 266.
• 286) Don't you wish you knew why 266 is so awesome?
• 287) Horde stole Christmas - not the grinch. Why do you think the Grinch is green?
• 288) Lambrusco - Horde's elf.
• 289) Gorlock adds weight to weapons, adding nothing but his rage.
• 290) Horde built and own the fifteen layers of hell.
• 291) We let you have the first seven, cause we're generous.
• 292) Shrat need to call his mom and get fafsa crap done so that I stop getting calls from Utah kobolds wondering if their son is alive.
• 293) Shrat's in Horde; of course he's alive.
• 294) He's too cool for getting his school crap done.
• 295) Cause he's too clever for his own good.
• 296) Silly Kobalds and their uberraschungs eier.
• 297) Even non-Horde fighters contribute to the Aggressive Campaign.
• 298) Contineud self-propeganda.
• 299) Your kids love Horde and will talk in Horde-speak for weeks after an event.
• 300) The un-expected.
• 301) Horde caused Pangea to break-up beacuse we felt a change of cenary was in order.
• 302-642) WE go Dagganoth to stop posting so much *it worth so much cuz that's how many post he would have made 50 seconds it tooke to to type this*
• 303) the Answer is 42 to the ultimate question of life the universe and everthing.
• 304) Izareth knows the question as well...that why he lead.
• 305) We so cool, we have gobo smiley put on board in honor of Izzy.
• 306) Hat troll one coming soon.
• 307) George Carlin is Horde, because he knows you only shake the baby when the recipe calls for it.
• 308) Horde create all the best games.
• 309) Bond be Horde, he know baby best when shaken, not stirred.
• 310) Horde created wiki
• 311) we made up Jarl Sir Madog. He is not real person. Just a fake alt on the boards that we as the horde take turns posting under and doing things in the name of.
• 312) We are so clever that now our alt, SirMadog, wil argue against what I just said in 311.
• 313) or not.
• 314) We provide much needed Discipline: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwOAIn2T7Qc
• 315) We are asian schoolteachers and afro wearing buff guys on strange gameshows.
• 316) We don't use Dagganoth ploys to up our reasons, true though the ploy may be.
• 317) Even better: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rF12OuOcRLQ
• 318) We invented the Japanese, and they invented the testicle smasher gameshow.
• 319) we got xAlucardx searching for high qualtiy nutshots for your entertainment.
• 320) When we all get together again, horde will entertain you with live reinactment. You get to be the contestants!
• 321) We make things and break the mold.
• 322) This band is not in Horde.
• 323) We reguild the Mold, just beacuse people hated what we made so much the first time.
• 324) We collect spores, molds and fungus.
• 325) We often make 'shady deals in dark alleyways'.
• 326) We have parents, YOUR parents, and we won't return them EVER!
• 327) We have calculated a world domination plan, and instead of using it, we wrote World Domination for Dummies.
• 328) We give ourselves pats on the back, each other pats on the head, but we save the pats on the ass for YOU!
• 329) Im half way done getting my paper work for school. This benis us (us=horde) becuse when Im educated Ill probelry end up teaching first graders or something. which means the future generzations of your kids will be exposed to the sweet smell of pure awesome and an early age than other wise
• 330) In an Infinte plane of existence all possble instanses can and will occure including the instase of perfection. The paradox that this proposes is that the IDea of a Perfection is best represented by an all encompassing realastion of all posbiltys but brings and end to those posbiltys. Ie there is nothing left to perfect your self in. Therefore Perfection is thee nd of Infinty though Infinty must include perfection thus I propse the Perfection is best understood as an infinite amount of finite moment percived in an eternal manner.
• 331) I made you read all that shit.
• 332) Al that shit made sense to us. Maybe not to you, but definitely us.
• 333) We could count, by why?
• 334) the horde invented numbers
• 335) Horde is the only unit that doesn't get bad luck when a black cat crosses their path.
• 336) Horde knows sanity is a norrible affliction that only can be past along by not taking hits. This is why a.) monsters take their hits, and b.) all pinkies must die to save horde from this disease.
• 337) Horde invented spellcheck.
• 338) Horde decides not to use spellcheck because we are that awesome.
• 339) Horde also don't use spell check because pinkies demand use of spell check.
• 340) Shart owns your childrens' souls.
• 341) All new members know what the Horde is by their 4th post.
• 342) Horde do's indead hav thear own alcoholic beverage, but water do' nott woork oon stoopid pinkys.
• 343) Horde: thinking outside the box, because they crushed it.  :(
• 344/684) Horde can make any statement completely and totally logically correct.
• 345/685) Horde needs two sets of numbers to track the awesome.
• 346) but we decide when we will use both.
• ---) or neither.
• 347)

(*) Kazi Enterprises are in no way affiliated with Horde Corp Incorporated