Aggressive Campaign

Revision as of 03:02, 8 December 2006

Izareth has launched an Agressive Campaign. It is a booming success

Take Horde Seriousely

Have you taken us seriously lately?

Some perks to Horde in your neighborhood:

• 1)Colorful Graffitti
• 2) No shortage of yelling assinine opinions
• 3) The distinct lack of resident elves
• 4) Our hunger for knowledge is unquenchable
• 5) What do unquenchable mean?
• 6) We allow present Aristocracy to stay in control (less time of ours wasted on "That my sheep" "no, that my sheep" "WAAH WAAH"
• 7) We step in for mercy shepherd killing
• 8) Green is a bootiful color, not so much purple though
• 9) We kill other armies, allowing a balance of Hordish power to rest finally to the land
• 10) We burn Trees, especially ancient ones that "has been there for generations, and my father used to blah, blah, blah..." FREE OF CHARGE
• 11) We might cook you a feast at Beltaine
• 12) We might let you eat the feast we cooked for you at Beltaine
• 13) We made Denara's Halloween costume
• 14) We decorated Angmarth's office space

• 15) We invented Foam Fighting(TM)
• 16) We don't sue you for using our invention
• 17) Dee teleporting Izzy
• 18) If you don't accept us into your heart, you are bound to burn forever (or at least as long as you live on fire)
• 19) We doount spels soe guut
• 20) I joined the Militia by signing my name on some guy's hide!
• 21) When we rule, we shall be lenient on you, you have our word
• 22) We can lie at the drop of a hat!
• 23) We never drop our hats
• 24) How many reasons do your group have anyway?
• 25) We took over Belegarth in a silent coup, and then gave it back, cause we so nice.
• 26) We all hot and sexay
• 27) Horde's got Doo-Dads...well not ALL Horde
• 28) Horde's got hot chicks, sans doo-dads!
• 29) Horde knows what 'Sans' means
• 30) you don't know what sans means, do you?
• 31) Horde respects our 'elders' like the EBF
• 32) Horde don't really respect anybody, it's all lip service yo!!!
• 33) YAAAAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!!
• 34) Yoo ken trust dee Horde
• 35) Whin dee most edukated an fair monster, Izareth, flips da switch goin' savage... EVERYONE BLEEDING!
• 36) Three dozen, and still going stronger than people who wear sunglasses on the field
• 37) I wrote The Dark Tower Series under a pseudonym, and I can't even tell you what it's about!
• 38) Grath Marenghi is my uncle, my ugly uncle.
• 39) We have awesome huge bases all over the world, just like Cobra! I'm not afraid of calling a tactical retreat like old Cobra Commander!
• 40) We allow all ages and genders and races to BE DESTROYED IN OUR WAKE!
• 41) You may go to better events throughout the year than the events we run, but it'll be because we made your event by not being busy.
• 42) The answer to the Universal question.
• 43) Jimmy Carter, yeah, he's one of us. Peanut Farmer/ unexpected superhero.
• 44) Speaking of Superheros we got Ju'Dekei!
• 45) We eat our veggies, and grow the ones you feed your babies. We never get thanks for it either!
• 46) I mean... have you seen Nanga?
• 47) Pick that up
• 48) Put that down
• 49) We'll mock you while singing to the tune of london bridge
• 50) We have Izareth.....being the great coman....er monster that he is.
• 51) It's true - Horde just has more fun.
• 52) Anyone who listens to them talk for long enough will adopt their speech patterns. Its like crack.
• 53) NOBODY is as cool as Izzy
• 54) We bring home the Bacon
• 55) We bring home the cheese
• 56) We don't let you have the bacon or cheese, cause we know it's bad for you
• 57) We eat it all ourselves, and still look supa sexay
• 58) DoNut? you out there? we waiting...
• 59) In the general scheme of things, who better? Really better? All the time?
• 60) We allow people to use our patented inventions free of charge all the time
• 61) We invented and patented fun
• 62) We patented and invented ass-kicking
• 63) Do you like cheese?
• 64) Tonight is the night...for lovers...goblyn lovers...
• 65) We ran in the last election and won exactly 28% of the overall votes, not bad for Horde party
• 66) We fight with foam swords, but do real damage, that's just how we roll
• 67) We cause inner strife, for ourselves first
• 68) You also not immune to strife
• 69) The strife is comin' and I'm not going to make any innuendo
• 70) Joo ever notice that saying you not make innuendo is making innuendo
• 71) Innuendo is a registered trademark of Horde Services Inc.
• 72) We'll take 'em, we'll break 'em and we'll laugh while we do it...'em
• 72) Slap you. (See 67)
• 73) Dey hav Plans C and D
• 74). Sometimes, when tings be bad, da Horde busts out the Gonads AND strife! (Copyrighted by da HOrde 2006)
• 75) Steve Colbert actually be a goblyn in pinkie clothes.
• 76)dOnUt be back, trying to avoid being hobogob ice pop.
• 77)Lacy elbows covers be sexy lingerie.
• 78) Izzy can easily be imagined as Willy Wonka circa Gene Wilder.
• 79) They also own chocolate.
• 80) Lowering taxes and supporting the American family is thier number one priority.
• 81) They love children.
• 82) Don't you feel safe?
• 79)Ayn Rand had a dream she didnt tell anybody about
• 80)We know the secrets of Matthew Lesko
• 81)Nitchie died of syphalis, we dont have syphalis
• 82)Horde is the crumbs of cheese in your peanutbutter.
• 83) We have in our sole possesion the skull of Charles Darwin which grants us imortality.
• 84) We also have a thigh bone of health +4
• 85) Horde don't play d&d
• 86) 'Cause this is the best of all possible worlds.
• 87) Didn't your mom tell you to eat all of your children?
• 88) Was syphalis mentioned?
• 89) They have hovering hats.
• 90) They don't like ayn rand either, it's okay.
• 91) They burned your copy of The Metamorphisis
• 92) We support a da famalees, beecawze they so filling at meal time...fun ya I ment fun at meel time...specially da babies
• 92) didnt that ayn rand have da sypahlis?
• 93) Only becuse Spike sent it to her with the time machine he keeps in his pocket.
• 94) Who knows?
• 95) Who cares?
• 96) Why?
• 97) Why not?
• 98) It doesn't matter.
• 99) Everything COULD matter.
• 101) We don't even NEED a 100
• 102) Did you see Juicer's avatar? We have Gorlock. Actually, we have Juicer too. Well really, everyone in Horde is supremely awesome.
• 103) Gorlock caused the Equinox typhoon.
• 104) Seriously though, we're sorry about that. Not too sorry, but kind of.
• 105) We* got Death Star
• 106) We* got Death Star
• 107) And you know that we* got it (Death Star)
• 108) Oh Shit! It's DR. JULES!
• 109) River Water, Bugbear Blood, Skaven Brew, Slaughter Splash, whatever Zzyzx is mixing up, etc...but then again, you probably don't remember how great they are, because they are just that great.
• 110) we kicked Zartan and the Dreadnaughts out of the Horde for being "light sensitive crybabies"
• 111) Inanna can speak the binary language of loadlifters, very similar to your moisture vaporators in most respects.
• 112) There is no 2 in binary code, just one and zero, on and off. Like what you were before you met the Horde, and what you were afterward.
• 113) We are affiliated with, and have members in all realms. At least all realms that matter.
• 114) Did you know that this board has about 100 invisible forums? And Horde is in control of all of them, except the sucky ones.
• 115) TRUTH!!!
• 116) Horde has dee best spies - Yoo shood no, yoo es probably one of dem.
• 117) We got Headhunters, but we don't always sick em on yous.
• 118) We love life, and bring joy to usselves, what more could you want from us, selfishies.
• 119) We own you house, cars and swimmin' pools, and we even let Juicer hang out and shout at you neighbors
• 120) Dead River Horde is full up with unconditional love, OF HATE!
• 121) We make good movies, starring fantastic new faces
• 122) We understand Shrat, and we don't shun him.
• 123) You should all be ashamed of youselves, but I won't tell on all of you.
• 124) We got to hurt [Dagganoth], and many others
• 125) We formed our own bobsled team in a classic fish-out-of-water tale in which we became winners without actually winning the race.
• 126) Horde can lead a horse to water, and when it doesn't drink, we punch it in the face and drown it.
• 127) "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Krieger calls the pile of dead elves in his front yard.
• 128) HORDE WIN!
• 129) We let Dagganoth get there first.
• 130) Ain't Donut Cute?
• 131) We control the weather
• 132) We won't do you "weather favors"
• 133) We had all three catalytic elements for the MASS device, but we wanted to watch GI Joe fight to get them anyway
• 134) We eat our vegetables, and they give us superpowers
• 135) When you eat our vegetables, they WON'T do the same for you.
• 135) We got Spike
• 136) "Just passing through"
• 137) We can and WILL institute our newest scheme. "Plan H"
• 138 ) You wish you knew what "Plan H" was
• 139) Your puppy or kitty didn't "run away". We ate him.
• 141) Kitty go CRUNCH..with catsup...
• 142) Dere be da Bunny of World Domination..he be your friend.
• 143) Until SQUISH...no more pinkie...
• 144) dOnUt be adorable hobogobo..so adorable you don't see da shiv til pinkie stew.
• 145) Everybody's likes donuts.
• 146) dere be donut filling...also so you don't see da shiv.
• 147) We have an aggresive campaign.
• 148) Just when you think it's over - Horde keeps it going.
• 149) Horde threads never die, just like their memebers.
• 151) We don't need a 150 either.
• 152) Headhunters. Need I say more?
• 153) Soilent Green is people!!
• 154) Horde, serving Soilent Green to people since Beltaine I
• 155) Horde Services Inc. created the internet.
• 156) Then for fun we gave the rights to Al Gor, and watched the hilarity ensue.
• 157) Koom Campfire stories.
• 158)
• 159) HORDE DON'T NEED A 1000!
• 160) [Kira] loves Horde
• 161) We don’t have ‘Jarl Sir Maddog’
• 162) We eat raw energon to recharge our batteries.
• 163) We disclaim that Kitten pauldrons and all, we don’t have Moxk, but we did teach him to be super cute, and kill kittens.
• 164) We knock your socks off, and then lovingly put them back on saying, ‘it’s cold out there silly”.
• 165) We come to battle practice.
• 166) We have a ship, and Izareth is it’s Captain.
• 167) No you can’t come on the Ship.
• 168) No, you can’t touch my hat.
• 169) Yes, we will smuggle your contraband.
• 170) We can’t spell 'Jarl Sir Madog'
• 171) We don’t post so-called “wedgie videos”
• 172) We don’t take guff.
• 173) Was that Guff, I just saw you tryin’ to hand us?
• 174) You can keep it, can’t you read? Go two up!
• 175) I’ve seen the Aerol Flynn Robin Hood
• 176) No! It wasn’t new at the time!
• 177) We got plans.
• 178) 2007, the Horde Year of Mayhem.
• 179) We ghost-write for Langston Hughes and Danielle Steele.
• 180) You know you read good poetry and bad romance novels.
• 181) We always sound like drunk Russians.
• 182) We are stupid.
• 183) You are stupider.
• 184) When people want to “enjoy the game” they join us.
• 185) When people want to “win the game” they don’t join us.
• 186) We still regularly “beat” people regardless of their affiliation.
• 187) We all cry in our sleep, but in a badass way.
• 188) We invented Metal, and gave it to Bodmin to be it’s chosen warrior.
• 189) We wrote, directed and starred in the movies The Last Dragon, Trick or Treat, and the animated Rock and Rule.
• 190) we don't suck at quoting people.
• 191) The horde can double post.
• 192) The Horde can triple post.
• 193) The Horde can triple post.
• 194) The Horde can triple post.
• 195) We have cool names for our realms like Burning Mountain, and Blood Valley.
• 196) We don't always make the biggest showing at events, but we do always make the best.
• 197) We are distilled from Springwater fresh from the grounds of Jack Daniels distillery.
• 198) We 'bring the noise', and if there are screaming babies, we 'bring the quiet'.
• 199) There was at least one Horde member in every episode of M*A*S*H
• 200) We killed Jimmy Hoffa.
• 201) Juicer knows all about this one.
• 202) We have people seeking 'franchise rights'.
• 203) We are the 'Home of the Whopper'.
• 204) Horde doesn't need 200, btu we did it anyway.
• 205) The BK King is actually Juicer out for a joy ride.
• 206) The HORDE doesn't need that lame McDonalds special sauce.
• 207) You want to try some Horde special sauce?
• 208) Screaming babies are actually small goblyns in disguise.
• 209) Do you wish to join the Horde movement?
• 210) We'll probably deny your application anyway.
• 211) Peeps. Lost of peeps.
• 212) Horde doesn't need forts!
• 213) At an event Horde fire often becomes main fire (for reasons why, see various responses above and possibly below)
• 214) Come to Beltaine!
• 215) We are too sexy for Right Said Fred.
• 216) Horde remembers everything and forgives nothing.
• 217) Horde Wins at being random.
• 218) Horde Wins vs. the tree.
• 219) Horde Wins vs. itself.
• 220) The orginal Pinja - yep, Horde's got him
• 221) Don't you wish your garb was this comforable?
• 222) Horde just broke the thread!
• 223) But Horde fixed it before anyone knew.
• 224) Horde invented the evil laugh.
• 225) We invented the evil laugh while watching someone bleeding.
• 226) We so better that most other people that we appear as both physical and intellectual giants amoung you.
• 227) Who your favorite person, cause we trained that one. That or we killed 'em.
• 228) We can kill by will alone, but we prefer to fight.
• 229) We pay Winfang's salary, unless he bad.
• 230) We found ourselves in love with the world, and there was only on thing we could do; TURN TO HATE!
• 231) We broke all the magic in Amtgard, so that we could invent ditching.
• 232) Don't make me kill you tough-guy!
• 233) Repots indicated that we're romantically linke with Dark Guard.
• 234) The paparazzi won't leave us alone.
• 235) We sneak into the Emo's bedrooms and tell them subconsciously to hurt themselves.
• 236) Senior Vorpal Kickass'o!!!!
• 237) Bhakdar stole Paris Hilton's T-Mobile Sidekick.
• 238) And her dog.
• 239) And her underwear.
• 240) And released the sex tape.
• 241) Those guys who blare their music in their turcks at events...yep. Killed 'em.
• 242) Lo'bo has the watch that Captain Koons wore up his ass for two years.
• 243) Some of our alumni include Marv from Sin City, Dennis Hopper, Godzilla, Jeremy Irons, Soth from the Goonies, and Alan Rickman.
• 244) We apprecaite the good humor of a palindrome.
• 245) Yo banana boy!
• 246) Speakign og Good Humor, we invented the Hulk Hogan Ice Cream Bar, brother!
• 247) We stick our KoKK's in your units and you like it.
• 248) We thought that was funny.
• 249) Seiously though: Beltaine.
• 250) We have members at spatula rank. You aren't even at mop rank yet, much less big mop rank.
• 251) We started the French Revolution and invented the internet in the same day. Then we took a late lunch with King Kong and killed him for eating off our plate.
• 252) We taught the philosopher Hobbs to hate everthing.
• 253) You taught him how to write a 700 page tome that sucks.
• 254) You are the prize in a box of CrackerJax, we are the prize in a KinderEgg.
• 255) Little known fact is taht Lo'bo invented Iambic Pentameter.
• 256) I'm supposed to be using my hour of net filling out my already late fasfa paperwork and jumping through other school realted hoops but I thought that it woudl be better spent informing you all the reasons why cherubs would follow us around if they existed.
• 257) Course we would have an eternal supply of flying jerky if this were the case.
• 258) Shartopia.
• 259) Horde has Dr. Tran.
• 260) Horde be American doctor.
• 261) with hot American dickings.
• 262) Our Huuuuge American penis.
• 263) The Shratonomicon.
• 264) Shratisfaction.
• 265) No, we don't have Dagganoth. YOU do.
• 266) ha.
• 267) We ALWAYS get jokes. Sometimes they just aren't funny.

(*) Kazi Enterprises are in no way affiliated with Horde Corp Incorporated