Gretchen and the Beholder

Revision as of 19:01, 24 January 2020

So many moons ago, or maybe last Tuesday, der be a Family of Hat Trolls, maybe 50 feet of Troll, led by dee best female Troll ever, Gretchen. Dey decide dee sun be too hot, so dey find dis network of caves to cool der sweaty heads. Male trolls always be hungry though, so dey soon be complainin', and Gretchen send Jesus to go find food in dee caves. While searchin', Jesus find dis big, floaty eyeball thing. He not sure if it be food, so he go get Gretchen. Gretchen see dis big eyeball, and she decide dat it not be food. It not attack dem either, so maybe it be friendly. Dey decide to keep it as pet, and name it "Ears". Dee trolls start talking about food again, an' den Ears' big eyeball light up, an' it start floating away in different direction. Jesus looks at Gretchen, an' dey start following dee light, cuz maybe it understand dem an' it be leading dem to food.

Instead of food, dee eyeball take dem to dis big underground city, filled with more floaty eyeballs like Ears. Dee trolls be confused. Dey be even more confused when der floaty eyeball start to speak. "Greetings, fellow creatures. I brought you here to study you, as my kind have been doing to the other races for time immemorial. Please stay and - "

Gretchen cut it off with a glare. "Ears, we not have time for dis. Dee males be hungry."

Dee big eyeball sink a bit, but it speak again. "I understand. I can direct you to a human stronghold not far from here..." it pause to watch dee Trolls immediately perk up, den continue, "...if you will do a favor for me." Dee Trolls grumble, but dey not know where dey be, an' dees floaty eyeballs not look very tasty. So Gretchen agree. Ears explain dat dey want to study all races, but not able to study Deep Ones, since floaty eyeballs cannot swim. It take dem to edge of big lake nearby where dey think some fish people live. Water look very deep.

"Chimney!" Gretchen yell. Big troll lumber over. "Wat?!" he yell back. Gretchen grin. "Der be pack of beer at bottom of dis water, need you to..." but she blink an' hear splash. Chimney already dive in. She shake her head an' sit down to wait.

Chimney be gone long time, might be weeks, might be 20 minutes. But wen he come back, he say der be nothing down there. No beer an' no fish people. Ears be disappointed, but it agree to keep its end of deal. So dee floaty eyeball lead dee Trolls to exit of caves, an' point dem to pinkie castle in distance. Gretchen thank it, an' dee Family move to attack. In der hunger, dee small group of Trolls do not see just how many pinkies der be, nor how many big weapons der be pointed at dem from top of castle walls. Dee Trolls fight hard, dey munch on pinkies left an' right, but too many arrows, an' too many pinkies. Trolls be weak from being underground so long with little food. Gretchen see dey be losing, and she tell dee Family to run back to dee caves. Trolls be tired, but no longer hungry. Still, dey be defeated, an' Gretchen not happy wit dat.

Another female step forward. Braizen be strong for female Troll, an' she say rest of Family need to become strong too. So she teach rest of family to lift trees, an' throw rocks, an' soon dee Trolls be swollen wit muscle an' strength. Ears come back to see dis, an' dey ask if it will help dem defeat pinkies. It agree, an' soon all dat pinkie castle see be a family of Trolls riding on floaty, majik eyeballs before dey be slaughtered. Dee Trolls eat der fill, an' all dee pinkies dee world over be sad, for dey never seen such a terrible thing as Trolls an' Beholders working together to destroy dem. But it be good day for Trolls.

Dee end.

-As told to Witchdoktor Galya by Braizen during her Awakening